Posted by Counseling Wise on September 23, 2019
Lately, you’ve noticed that the emotional gap between yourself and your partner has widened.
Whenever you try to bring up an important point, your partner pulls away. They feel like you are criticizing them. The emotional safety and connection that you once felt have almost disappeared. You wonder what has happened to the ease with which you once connected.
By participating in emotionally focused therapy (EFT) you and your partner can boost your connection to one another.
Working together with a therapist who understands EFT, you can rediscover emotional safety and form a strong bond that will serve you both well in the future.
Identifying the Obstacles
When you first sit down for emotionally focused therapy with your therapist, you will work on identifying the obstacles in your relationship. These obstacles are issues or challenges that prevent you and your partner from creating a more secure and stable attachment to one another. Examples of relationship obstacles include:
- Fear
- Anger
- Sadness
- Resentment
- Loathing
- Guilt
- Bitterness
What happens when you encounter these obstacles? They destabilize the bond that you share with your partner in ways that lead to misunderstanding, defensiveness, arguments, resentment and emotional distancing in your relationship. These reactions and interaction can ruin positive emotional chemistry between you and make any relationship toxic. That’s why it helps to identify issues or attachment problems soon so that you can both begin to make positive changes.
Understanding Your Emotional Connection
Also, emotionally focused therapy can boost your connection by examining how you routinely interact with one another. Do you and your partner get into heated arguments very quickly? Are both of your constantly trying to fend off the other by saying hurtful things that cut right to the core?
Over time, these interactions erode the emotional connection significantly. In EFT, you learn to express yourselves to one another and listen compassionately. In particular, you have the space to talk about issues that matter in a healthy, intentional way. The idea is that, over the course of the sessions, you’ll be able to slow down your automatic reactions and respond more thoughtfully. Understanding and positive ways of interacting will then create a more solid relationship bond.
Creating New Communication Patterns
The great thing about emotionally focused therapy is that it can help you both to create new communication patterns. These patterns are based on acceptance, not avoidance or dismissiveness. When you learn to employ EFT communication tools, your partner wishes to connect or tell you something important, and is met with more openness of your ears and emotional comprehension. You are able to listen intently and deeply sense where they are coming from. Also, at this point, you’ll have much more clarity regarding each other’s emotional pasts. Previous negative experiences in relationships certainly affect your present relationship. It’s this knowledge that directs you both towards compassion for one another and a willingness to communicate meaningfully.
Why Connection Matters
Unhealthy and unstable relationships are often fraught with anxiety or a lack of emotional safety. Yet, some people stay because the fear of losing that relationship is overwhelming. Learning to examine what’s going on emotionally between you and your partner is crucial. EFT can provide perspective and guidance.
When you feel connected to one another, you and your partner feel safe. Growth and long-term stability are realized. Couples who have a strong relationship bond feel both secure and empowered. This is why it’s important for you to understand each other’s emotional past and communicate effectively as soon as possible. When you do, you can begin fostering a relationship that is strong, healthy, and safe.
To reap the full benefits of EFT, work with a therapist who is experienced in the technique. By committing to your partner and the work of emotionally focused therapy, you can boost your connection and relationship satisfaction immeasurably. Let me help you starts couple’s counseling that will stand the test of time. Please reach out for a consultation today.